I don't think anyone is actually following this blog but if so, I do apologize for my hiatus. I laughed because my last entry was at the beginning of my final semester of graduate school. It's obvious that although it has been an interesting several months of parenting and graduating, I just didn't have the time or energy to rehash the experience.
To play catch up, I had an amazing internship experience and met/worked with some fantastic women. My cousin Mike came out for a Thanksgiving visit and my grandfather-in-law passed away that week, too. My mother and husband conspired to bring Mom to my graduation. It was such a blessing to have her with us as well as her spending the weekend before Christmas with the kids. The holidays were great and we really enjoyed our little family along with some great snowy weather. We've all taken many turns being sick this winter but are no worse for wear. And, to round it out, the long anticipated NHL All-Star game weekend finally came and went.
I've been asked the same question several times and asked it of myself, what now? Well, for the first time in my life I have no specific plan of when I will be returning to work. (Certainly, when the kids are in school.) I was the girl that worked 3 jobs in college after all. It's funny because I finally found my "dream job" as a school librarian but I also know that I have the rest of my life to work as long as my delayed entry into the field doesn't hinder my ability to be hired. I can tell you that I feel blessed for the opportunity to be with my children at home now. They are only so young for such a short amount of time. It's not easy but we've made this work for our family. It helps that they are really well-adjusted, happy kids. There are times when I wonder what should I be doing right now. I have no papers, tests or discussions. So, I've been cleaning and doing all those to-do projects that usually never get done. I'm reconnecting with friends and making new friends, becoming involved in stay-at-home mom activities like play dates, library times, museum visits, and of course "neighborhood watch block captain."
I've talked to some of my good friends who work full-time and some who are also moms and I've seen the look or heard the questioning in their voice about how I could get a master's and not look for a job. I often feel like I have to defend myself every time someone asked. So, when I called one of my best friends last weekend, I couldn't have felt better. And, frankly, I was in shock because it was the first time anyone had said this to me. She asked if I was looking for a job and I simply said no. Without missing a beat, she said good for you! I'm so happy for you and proud of you for doing what you really want to do right now. She continued to say don't even worry about a job being available when the time comes, it will be there and that she was so proud of us making the sacrifices we needed to so this could work out for us. I was already content with my decision but it was so nice to have an enthusiastic validation without ever having to explain why. It was particularly special coming from a working professional who works like crazy and has really excelled in her field. Thanks, Tricia!
This has all made me think about how as women we should keep trying to support each other regardless of whether we work in and/or out of the home. When I was in school, I didn't feel like I fit in with the stay-at-home moms because I did have a lot of deadlines and projects and couldn't do a lot. When I spent time with working moms, I didn't feel like I fit in because I wasn't in a routine of having children in daycare and juggling a career. It's a horrible feeling and I do believe that we've come a long way in accepting mothers' choices in the past 20+ years but we can still do better. I don't believe children are better off with stay-at-home moms or working moms. I think it is what is the best fit for the family and more often than not, it's not a choice either way. Some moms have to work to pay the bills and some moms have to stay home because their salary doesn't pay enough for multiple children in daycare. Anyways, this is the last post on this topic. I'd love feedback from other mothers on their experiences! Yet, I'm also not sure anyone reads this. All the best!
I'm reading it! It was so wonderful talking to you last weekend! I miss you like crazy!
ReplyDeleteA year and a half later I am still not used to being a working Mom. When we first decided to have a baby, I thought I wanted to stay home with her. I cried the whole way to work the first day I left Penny at day care. She, of course, was unfazed. At the time it was a feeling of I HAVE to go back. Doug and I are neck and neck with our salaries, so no one was quitting their job without some MAJOR changes.
ReplyDeleteThen, once I got back into the swing of things, I realized that I like to work. I also know that it would be a terrible move to take a significant amount of time off from my career. In a biotech world I would be left in the dust, especially with only a Bachelor's degree.
There are times that I feel terrible about her spending 9 hours a day (80% of her waking time!) at day care, but she likes it and is learning a lot more there than I could teach her. I also have learned that I don't think I could stay at home with her all day without going a little crazy. Stubborn, impatient, independent...and so is Penny.
Keep blogging, we'll keep reading!
Thanks for sharing, Christie! You make such a good point about careers. I couldn't imagine trying to keep up with biotech after taking time off. Plus, it seems like you really enjoy your career which will transcend to Penny. It doesn't hurt that she seems to really enjoy day care. Plus, when you are with her you spend so much quality time with her she knows she is well-loved!
ReplyDeleteIn my former life, I was a journalist. I came to the realization that I couldn't have a family with the hours it required and on top of that it was not satisfying professionally. That was part of the reason I went back to school. Anyways, if I were still in that environment and loved it like I did in college, there would be no question about having to work full-time. As a school librarian, I don't think they will kick me out for getting to a certain age. :-) And, if need be, I can take some refresher courses to catch up on the emerging technologies we are using.
I also should admit that I loved my internship shifts and looked forward to my time away from home. I really enjoyed working 8 hours straight with no diaper changes or constant chatter/fighting over toys, etc. I was excited to see them at the end of the day that I just spent my time playing with them instead of the chores I usually would be doing. I guess there is no absolutely perfect situation. Just think when you are 1/2 way to retirement, I'll just be starting my career.
One of my mother's favorite sayings, "As women we can have it all, just not all at the same time."
P.S. I probably am a little crazy, too. I try to be sane but who knows.
I love your mom's quote Kelly. So true. I commend you for making the right decision for you and for all that you have accomplished while being a new mom. I do look forward to seeing you become a part of the working world as what I know will be an outstanding librarian and one who will make a difference in students' lives. You have so much to give. I was not one of those moms who could stay home with my children, not because I could not afford to, but because I knew that it was not the right fit for me. You deserve some down time after all that you have done in the past two years. Enjoy and sit back, put your feet up (when you can) and pat yourself on the back. Love the blog, and yes, I do read it! Love ya.
ReplyDelete