Spring is emerging in Carolina! The red buds are blooming and the established daffodils are in bloom (mine will take a little longer). I've ordered my seeds and come March 1st, I will allow myself to start turning the garden beds. For my Midwestern friends who saw snow this week, I promise you will see signs of spring in a few weeks. I find it amazing how much weather can affect our spirits. We've had our windows open, fresh air coming in the house and running around outside with light jackets. For the most part, the winter boredom and restlessness has lifted from my family. I am very grateful!
I mention the weather because it mirrors exactly how I am feeling right now. I realized that I really am living in peace. Sure there are rainy days and I have had bouts of sadness during these last days with my grandma. However, I am mostly enjoying these moments watching the awe of my children literally growing before me every day. And, thinking of the new life blossoming in the Spring.
Realistically, I have two toddlers right now so there are plenty of moments where I have to breathe deep so I don't pull out my own hair. My daughter's big thing right now is, "Momma, watch this..." and she does something like stand on her toes or wiggle her nose. Cute, right? Yes, the first 100 times. Now, I get that phrase every day all day long probably about 50 times, no exaggeration. I obviously have started the auto responses, "uh-huh," "great, sweetie," "that's nice," and "Momma's (driving, on the phone, cooking dinner, in the bathroom...) so I can't watch right now." I had the epiphany that just like I can't hold her like when she was an infant, this, too, will be over in a blink of an eye and instead of wanting to show me everything she will be showing her friends. So, Momma tries to watch everything she can and soak it up because that's what these days are about, aren't they? These sweet days are the foundation and building blocks that give us strength when these same babies head into their coming days of independence and eventually the dark side of teenage years.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Update
I don't think anyone is actually following this blog but if so, I do apologize for my hiatus. I laughed because my last entry was at the beginning of my final semester of graduate school. It's obvious that although it has been an interesting several months of parenting and graduating, I just didn't have the time or energy to rehash the experience.
To play catch up, I had an amazing internship experience and met/worked with some fantastic women. My cousin Mike came out for a Thanksgiving visit and my grandfather-in-law passed away that week, too. My mother and husband conspired to bring Mom to my graduation. It was such a blessing to have her with us as well as her spending the weekend before Christmas with the kids. The holidays were great and we really enjoyed our little family along with some great snowy weather. We've all taken many turns being sick this winter but are no worse for wear. And, to round it out, the long anticipated NHL All-Star game weekend finally came and went.
I've been asked the same question several times and asked it of myself, what now? Well, for the first time in my life I have no specific plan of when I will be returning to work. (Certainly, when the kids are in school.) I was the girl that worked 3 jobs in college after all. It's funny because I finally found my "dream job" as a school librarian but I also know that I have the rest of my life to work as long as my delayed entry into the field doesn't hinder my ability to be hired. I can tell you that I feel blessed for the opportunity to be with my children at home now. They are only so young for such a short amount of time. It's not easy but we've made this work for our family. It helps that they are really well-adjusted, happy kids. There are times when I wonder what should I be doing right now. I have no papers, tests or discussions. So, I've been cleaning and doing all those to-do projects that usually never get done. I'm reconnecting with friends and making new friends, becoming involved in stay-at-home mom activities like play dates, library times, museum visits, and of course "neighborhood watch block captain."
I've talked to some of my good friends who work full-time and some who are also moms and I've seen the look or heard the questioning in their voice about how I could get a master's and not look for a job. I often feel like I have to defend myself every time someone asked. So, when I called one of my best friends last weekend, I couldn't have felt better. And, frankly, I was in shock because it was the first time anyone had said this to me. She asked if I was looking for a job and I simply said no. Without missing a beat, she said good for you! I'm so happy for you and proud of you for doing what you really want to do right now. She continued to say don't even worry about a job being available when the time comes, it will be there and that she was so proud of us making the sacrifices we needed to so this could work out for us. I was already content with my decision but it was so nice to have an enthusiastic validation without ever having to explain why. It was particularly special coming from a working professional who works like crazy and has really excelled in her field. Thanks, Tricia!
This has all made me think about how as women we should keep trying to support each other regardless of whether we work in and/or out of the home. When I was in school, I didn't feel like I fit in with the stay-at-home moms because I did have a lot of deadlines and projects and couldn't do a lot. When I spent time with working moms, I didn't feel like I fit in because I wasn't in a routine of having children in daycare and juggling a career. It's a horrible feeling and I do believe that we've come a long way in accepting mothers' choices in the past 20+ years but we can still do better. I don't believe children are better off with stay-at-home moms or working moms. I think it is what is the best fit for the family and more often than not, it's not a choice either way. Some moms have to work to pay the bills and some moms have to stay home because their salary doesn't pay enough for multiple children in daycare. Anyways, this is the last post on this topic. I'd love feedback from other mothers on their experiences! Yet, I'm also not sure anyone reads this. All the best!
To play catch up, I had an amazing internship experience and met/worked with some fantastic women. My cousin Mike came out for a Thanksgiving visit and my grandfather-in-law passed away that week, too. My mother and husband conspired to bring Mom to my graduation. It was such a blessing to have her with us as well as her spending the weekend before Christmas with the kids. The holidays were great and we really enjoyed our little family along with some great snowy weather. We've all taken many turns being sick this winter but are no worse for wear. And, to round it out, the long anticipated NHL All-Star game weekend finally came and went.
I've been asked the same question several times and asked it of myself, what now? Well, for the first time in my life I have no specific plan of when I will be returning to work. (Certainly, when the kids are in school.) I was the girl that worked 3 jobs in college after all. It's funny because I finally found my "dream job" as a school librarian but I also know that I have the rest of my life to work as long as my delayed entry into the field doesn't hinder my ability to be hired. I can tell you that I feel blessed for the opportunity to be with my children at home now. They are only so young for such a short amount of time. It's not easy but we've made this work for our family. It helps that they are really well-adjusted, happy kids. There are times when I wonder what should I be doing right now. I have no papers, tests or discussions. So, I've been cleaning and doing all those to-do projects that usually never get done. I'm reconnecting with friends and making new friends, becoming involved in stay-at-home mom activities like play dates, library times, museum visits, and of course "neighborhood watch block captain."
I've talked to some of my good friends who work full-time and some who are also moms and I've seen the look or heard the questioning in their voice about how I could get a master's and not look for a job. I often feel like I have to defend myself every time someone asked. So, when I called one of my best friends last weekend, I couldn't have felt better. And, frankly, I was in shock because it was the first time anyone had said this to me. She asked if I was looking for a job and I simply said no. Without missing a beat, she said good for you! I'm so happy for you and proud of you for doing what you really want to do right now. She continued to say don't even worry about a job being available when the time comes, it will be there and that she was so proud of us making the sacrifices we needed to so this could work out for us. I was already content with my decision but it was so nice to have an enthusiastic validation without ever having to explain why. It was particularly special coming from a working professional who works like crazy and has really excelled in her field. Thanks, Tricia!
This has all made me think about how as women we should keep trying to support each other regardless of whether we work in and/or out of the home. When I was in school, I didn't feel like I fit in with the stay-at-home moms because I did have a lot of deadlines and projects and couldn't do a lot. When I spent time with working moms, I didn't feel like I fit in because I wasn't in a routine of having children in daycare and juggling a career. It's a horrible feeling and I do believe that we've come a long way in accepting mothers' choices in the past 20+ years but we can still do better. I don't believe children are better off with stay-at-home moms or working moms. I think it is what is the best fit for the family and more often than not, it's not a choice either way. Some moms have to work to pay the bills and some moms have to stay home because their salary doesn't pay enough for multiple children in daycare. Anyways, this is the last post on this topic. I'd love feedback from other mothers on their experiences! Yet, I'm also not sure anyone reads this. All the best!
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