This morning was a tiny glimpse at the changes to come in our household for the next few months. I started my internship this morning and my hubby took a half day off work to stay home with the kids. I LOVE the school and the library staff. First impressions are great! Plus, I ran into a friend I used to work with who is now working there--an added bonus.
I did very little for the first day but I really loved every minute of it. The librarian gave me the lay of the land, basic new info. and materials. Then, I went to work unloading a book order and shelving with a little cataloging review. Since school isn't in session and this is a very new media center, there are many boxes of books to be processed. It's rather mindless work but I was able to meet the staff and have uninterrupted adult conversations. And the rhythm of processing and shelving books has always been therapeutic for me. It sounds odd, I know. There is just something about the simplicity and the quiet nature of the task that helps me collect my thoughts. So, I was happy as a clam this morning. I was just grinning and bouncing through the door when I came home.
My poor husband was running around like a mad man saying he still had to shower before he left for work. He was supposed to leave in 5 minutes. Both the kids were just in their diapers because of the mess they had made at lunch. Of course they were hollering at each other trying to see who could be louder...a really fun game they have going now. I couldn't help laughing because it was such a role reversal and those kids didn't show their dad any special treatment. Everything was just as normal as usual. The only difference was my absence. Instead of being the frazzled one, I was treated like an adult and had conversations that didn't deal with bodily functions, constant reminders to share and not wrestle, tackle, bite, pull or push your sibling, and even a clean shirt! Well, someone did pee on me as soon as I came through the door and picked them up. But, I still think it was a record.
I know I don't want to go back to work full-time if it can be helped. I would miss them terribly. These early years go by so quickly and I have the rest of my life to work. However, a part-time mental vacation TO work does sound like a pretty awesome idea. Cheers, mommas! And, husband, you are the best. I have so much fun sharing our life together and I really do feel like we are truly a team, especially on days like today!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Little Man is 1
Every parent I know says how quickly their kids grow. It certainly doesn't feel that way when you are in the day-to-day routine. Yet, there are moments as parents where you get to sit back and appreciate major milestones. Yesterday was one of those days for my family. It was a beautiful birthday shared with friends and family via Skype.
Of course, I had tears here and there preparing for his party and feeling grateful. However, it wasn't until all the excitement died down and the kids were in bed that the gravity of this milestone sank in for us. Little man is one. I didn't even know how much anxiety and fear I had been holding in until the tears of relief and joy overcame me. It's normal and easy to take for granted your health and your children's health until you've experienced a situation that reminded you how little control you actually have.
There were no warnings. I had an easy pregnancy with Ryan. I was in good health, no complications or concerns about anything. He was delivered by c-section after being a week overdue. He appeared by all accounts to be perfectly healthy. When I first saw him, I had a feeling something was wrong and asked a few times but everyone around me said he was fine and everything was perfect. That first night I needed to get some rest and I instinctively thought he should go to the nursery. It is highly unusual for me. I was upset when they took Isabelle away for an hour or two one night. I don't know what was telling me to make sure he was supervised. But, again, I'm grateful. The next day Ryan turned blue in my arms and was unresponsive. I buzzed the nurses and they immediately and literally ran in and grabbed him, sprinting down the hallway to the NICU. It was just John and I in the room. We were too scared to speak for a minute, just silence and panting. Everything changed in that moment.
The next time I saw Ryan was a few hours later when they determined he was stable and hooked up to more wires and machines than any child should ever need. I don't wish to relive the entire experience today so the most simple way I could explain is that I felt like I was living outside my body for Ryan's hospital stay. There was so much fear and pain that I had to block that out and focus on giving Ryan what he needed. He needed as much love, positivity, and snuggling that was possible as well as a mom who would fight for him when he needed a voice. I can tell you in the next two weeks, we met and talked to dozens of neonatalogists and specialists, none of which could offer a diagnosis or much of an explanation. It took them over a week to even figure out his episodes were indeed seizures. His neurologist has been a blessing in our lives and single-handedly responsible for my ability to sleep at all when Ryan did come home. There hasn't been a diagnosis in Ryan's condition. We managed the seizures with medication and weaned him off early. He's been seizure-free since he left the hospital. And, he has now reached the biggest milestone in his brain's development.
Above and beyond all the challenges Ryan faced as an infant, he is a joyful and loving soul. He gives warm hugs and laughs when you kiss him. He is clever and handsome. Plus, he and his sister are as close as any siblings I've ever seen. We have been continually surprised by our little man and our lives have been enriched as his parents. My heart and prayers go out to the families who have children enter intensive care each day. The families and infants I met during his stay will always hold a special place in my heart. May you all be blessed with the love of your children and they with yours.
Of course, I had tears here and there preparing for his party and feeling grateful. However, it wasn't until all the excitement died down and the kids were in bed that the gravity of this milestone sank in for us. Little man is one. I didn't even know how much anxiety and fear I had been holding in until the tears of relief and joy overcame me. It's normal and easy to take for granted your health and your children's health until you've experienced a situation that reminded you how little control you actually have.
There were no warnings. I had an easy pregnancy with Ryan. I was in good health, no complications or concerns about anything. He was delivered by c-section after being a week overdue. He appeared by all accounts to be perfectly healthy. When I first saw him, I had a feeling something was wrong and asked a few times but everyone around me said he was fine and everything was perfect. That first night I needed to get some rest and I instinctively thought he should go to the nursery. It is highly unusual for me. I was upset when they took Isabelle away for an hour or two one night. I don't know what was telling me to make sure he was supervised. But, again, I'm grateful. The next day Ryan turned blue in my arms and was unresponsive. I buzzed the nurses and they immediately and literally ran in and grabbed him, sprinting down the hallway to the NICU. It was just John and I in the room. We were too scared to speak for a minute, just silence and panting. Everything changed in that moment.
The next time I saw Ryan was a few hours later when they determined he was stable and hooked up to more wires and machines than any child should ever need. I don't wish to relive the entire experience today so the most simple way I could explain is that I felt like I was living outside my body for Ryan's hospital stay. There was so much fear and pain that I had to block that out and focus on giving Ryan what he needed. He needed as much love, positivity, and snuggling that was possible as well as a mom who would fight for him when he needed a voice. I can tell you in the next two weeks, we met and talked to dozens of neonatalogists and specialists, none of which could offer a diagnosis or much of an explanation. It took them over a week to even figure out his episodes were indeed seizures. His neurologist has been a blessing in our lives and single-handedly responsible for my ability to sleep at all when Ryan did come home. There hasn't been a diagnosis in Ryan's condition. We managed the seizures with medication and weaned him off early. He's been seizure-free since he left the hospital. And, he has now reached the biggest milestone in his brain's development.
Above and beyond all the challenges Ryan faced as an infant, he is a joyful and loving soul. He gives warm hugs and laughs when you kiss him. He is clever and handsome. Plus, he and his sister are as close as any siblings I've ever seen. We have been continually surprised by our little man and our lives have been enriched as his parents. My heart and prayers go out to the families who have children enter intensive care each day. The families and infants I met during his stay will always hold a special place in my heart. May you all be blessed with the love of your children and they with yours.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
The first 5
The scale actually works. I was beginning to think it was stuck. Five pounds down. I've made some attempts to lose the "baby weight" but I've petered out or let myself miss workouts and made poor decisions based on my schedule, etc. Not this time.
I had started working out and losing weight after Isabelle was born and found out I was pregnant again when she was 3 months old. I kept it up for a little while but the gym closed and the pregnancy fatigue set in. So, I never really lost the baby weight I gained with Isabelle and was pregnant again. I figured it wouldn't be a big deal to give into my cravings for spicy food or fast food when I was too tired to cook. Between breastfeeding one infant and being pregnant, I was busy and exercising was far from my mind. Then, I had Ryan and that was an unbelievably tough time and I was going through it while taking my graduate classes. Then, the car accident, his baptism, the holidays, more time intensive classes, and before I knew it, we were on summer vacation. Now, he is turning one. On vacation, I felt more comfortable in my maternity swimming suit than my post-pregnancy one. It was part of the wake up call.
Another factor is my PCOS has not been managed as well as it could which can lead to more serious health problems down the road. People also seem to treat and look at you differently when you are carrying excess weight than when you are simply pregnant. It's as if when you have the watermelon belly of pregnancy, everyone wants to touch it and say how cute you look. So, then the baby is delivered and magically your belly is supposed to melt away. Whatever. Now, you are just fat with too much belly weight. Next, I want to be comfortable in my own skin again. I've never been thin but I have been athletic and curvy. That's all I want. Finally, I'm now showing my children how to live. I can give them all the fruits and vegetables and healthy food in the world but it doesn't mean as much as eating it with them. Modeling behavior and demonstrating good choices have always been hands-down the best way to teach children.
I had to come up with a plan that I thought would work. I realized that for the past couple years, I've made my schedule based on the needs of everyone else in the family. It's to be expected with infants. I was lucky to go to the store alone, much less make a regular commitment to exercise. I'd tried the 5 am gym time and that is just stupid. I was nodding off watching the kids in the afternoon. Plus, I was losing one of the best benefits of staying home with the kids...sleeping in until they woke up. I have many years of working, getting up, doing my hair and getting everyone out the door in my future. Right now, I enjoy my baby girl coming in and crawling into bed with me to chatter and sing until Ryan wakes up. It's just one of those sweet times I'll remember when she is grown. And, as parents, you need to make sure you enjoy the journey, not just the milestones.
So, I just ended up saying I need to work out at least every other day and I'm going to make it happen. John said he'd help me get out the door so that I could go when he came home from work. It's been successful. I feed the kids and make sure there are leftovers for him and I have a light dinner when I come home or we just go with the flow and eat together when I get home. Ideally, I'd love to have a family dinner every night. However, I'm home with them all day and John only gets 1.5 hours a day with them so now he has his own fun times. He has introduced techno chicken and Isabelle has "helped" him with a project by walking behind him measuring everything with a tape measure. And, I am much happier. I can't tell you how great it is to have an hour of solace without anyone fussing, pulling on me, needing to be changed or fed. I can now watch the evening news in peace. I want to continue solely for that reason!
The good news is regular cardio, bi-weekly weights, and healthier, smaller meals seems to be working. Three weeks on the new program and five pounds lost. My 30th birthday is next May and my goal is to look fabulous. I have 10 months to go. I believe it is realistic to say I want to lose 5 pounds per month for a grand total of 50 lbs. As my baby girls says, "go, set, go!"
I had started working out and losing weight after Isabelle was born and found out I was pregnant again when she was 3 months old. I kept it up for a little while but the gym closed and the pregnancy fatigue set in. So, I never really lost the baby weight I gained with Isabelle and was pregnant again. I figured it wouldn't be a big deal to give into my cravings for spicy food or fast food when I was too tired to cook. Between breastfeeding one infant and being pregnant, I was busy and exercising was far from my mind. Then, I had Ryan and that was an unbelievably tough time and I was going through it while taking my graduate classes. Then, the car accident, his baptism, the holidays, more time intensive classes, and before I knew it, we were on summer vacation. Now, he is turning one. On vacation, I felt more comfortable in my maternity swimming suit than my post-pregnancy one. It was part of the wake up call.
Another factor is my PCOS has not been managed as well as it could which can lead to more serious health problems down the road. People also seem to treat and look at you differently when you are carrying excess weight than when you are simply pregnant. It's as if when you have the watermelon belly of pregnancy, everyone wants to touch it and say how cute you look. So, then the baby is delivered and magically your belly is supposed to melt away. Whatever. Now, you are just fat with too much belly weight. Next, I want to be comfortable in my own skin again. I've never been thin but I have been athletic and curvy. That's all I want. Finally, I'm now showing my children how to live. I can give them all the fruits and vegetables and healthy food in the world but it doesn't mean as much as eating it with them. Modeling behavior and demonstrating good choices have always been hands-down the best way to teach children.
I had to come up with a plan that I thought would work. I realized that for the past couple years, I've made my schedule based on the needs of everyone else in the family. It's to be expected with infants. I was lucky to go to the store alone, much less make a regular commitment to exercise. I'd tried the 5 am gym time and that is just stupid. I was nodding off watching the kids in the afternoon. Plus, I was losing one of the best benefits of staying home with the kids...sleeping in until they woke up. I have many years of working, getting up, doing my hair and getting everyone out the door in my future. Right now, I enjoy my baby girl coming in and crawling into bed with me to chatter and sing until Ryan wakes up. It's just one of those sweet times I'll remember when she is grown. And, as parents, you need to make sure you enjoy the journey, not just the milestones.
So, I just ended up saying I need to work out at least every other day and I'm going to make it happen. John said he'd help me get out the door so that I could go when he came home from work. It's been successful. I feed the kids and make sure there are leftovers for him and I have a light dinner when I come home or we just go with the flow and eat together when I get home. Ideally, I'd love to have a family dinner every night. However, I'm home with them all day and John only gets 1.5 hours a day with them so now he has his own fun times. He has introduced techno chicken and Isabelle has "helped" him with a project by walking behind him measuring everything with a tape measure. And, I am much happier. I can't tell you how great it is to have an hour of solace without anyone fussing, pulling on me, needing to be changed or fed. I can now watch the evening news in peace. I want to continue solely for that reason!
The good news is regular cardio, bi-weekly weights, and healthier, smaller meals seems to be working. Three weeks on the new program and five pounds lost. My 30th birthday is next May and my goal is to look fabulous. I have 10 months to go. I believe it is realistic to say I want to lose 5 pounds per month for a grand total of 50 lbs. As my baby girls says, "go, set, go!"
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